i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
