had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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