Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
