I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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