Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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