She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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