Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
