If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
