i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
