Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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