i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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