Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
