I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I am naked and annoyed.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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