Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
kristin has been a bad kristin
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Randomize
