two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
