You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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