; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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