i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
