What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
