either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
