Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
