he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
