you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
