I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Someone shattered a urinal.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
