Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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