brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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