Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
