Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
You smell like stripper and shame
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
