Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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