An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
