Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
