I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize