last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
