at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
