Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Randomize
