it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
