I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
