can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Less talking, more tequila
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
