Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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