I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize