ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize