she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
