Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize