my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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