hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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