I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I party with great urgency now.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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