drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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