i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
