I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
