chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
