i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
