What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
