It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize