No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
