You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
