if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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