I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
