he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
