Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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