I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
