It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
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