i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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