My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Just cropdusted the office
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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