a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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