Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
