He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
If I die, sorry about rent.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
