I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Your dad touched me again.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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