batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
