...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
