Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
