They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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