I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
You don't make any sense
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