My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
