HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
