I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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