just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
