I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
