am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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