I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
