next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
