I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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