Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
