fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize