Rock
Scissors
Fuck
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
