i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
