How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
