i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
