Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
