She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
