He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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