dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
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