Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
