at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
