I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
