OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
