I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize