I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
