I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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