Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
