I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
